Feelings now

For starters, it's been quite a relief that December 2005 is over given the hectic schedule that I posted 2 entries before. So... more time to blog, Yay! :P

Secondly, as I write this, I have somewhat officially left TDF. I would like to think that a lot of people was concerned for me when I left that place. But I won't post the reasons here why I left TDF though since I do know that some people reading this do come from TDF themselves. Nevertheless, I do still keep in contact with most of them via MSN/Yahoo Messenger.

Thirdly, as for making more friends in terms of church/cell group wise, I suppose December 2005 was quite helpful for me. There were 3 major events: Tanglin Halt Camp, Youth Camp and Christmas service. In regards to the Tanglin Halt camp and the youth camp, I decided to come out of my shell I've been hiding in for 5 years and mingle around with other people from church. I got to know more people and also felt like I've been an encouragement to those that attended those 2 camps. From the Youth Camp, I suppose my relationship with God has been taken to another level. The camp in particular help me learn to take risks, especially in terms of prayer. As for the Christmas service, I was put in publicity and worked with Guorong and Xinyi from M'kk closely. I guess through the experience, I had gotten to know 2 more ppl from my cell group better.
But, more importantly, I guess these 3 events helped me change my whole perspective about my role as a Christian in the body of Christ. That indeed I too can play as big a role as I when I was back in TDF, it was just a matter of making that choice. Hmm... as for the previous issue of finding security in a non-Christian environment or otherwise, I don't think I've resolved that yet. The whole spontaneity issue come to play again. Right now, there's no preference who I'd rather be with. I welcome every friend with open arms.

Next up is something I want to get off my chest. Last month marked the 1 year anniversary since NCH and I got to know each other. We've done some stuff together, mostly related to our common hobby of collecting inflatables. And when he was about to enlist, I was simply just being there for him to give him support and stuff. Then this SMS came in on my handphone 26 Dec 2005 23:52:13
"Smyle, I just really want to tell you that you are my only closest friend to know...(cut short)" Honestly, I was stunned speechless after I received that. Personally, I didn't feel like I had done a lot for him. I guess after this, I've realized the power of friendship once again. One that I lost my belief in when I was much younger.

Lastly, I caught Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe. I really enjoyed the show. But there's one character in the movie I want to point out - Susan. As the story develops, Susan's character is shown to be one that is not a risk taker, instead she pretty much relies on circumstances and consequences around her that affects her decision. Although that may not necessarily be a bad thing altogether, it impairs her totally when called forth to make a major decision. My eyes were affixed on her character, simply because I see so much of myself in her. And I think I'd do exactly the same things as her just because there's too much risks in front of me, to the point of discouraging someone who wants to press on further (cf Peter). I'd be safe in making that decision, but I'd miss out on an adventure of a lifetime.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it'd be better for me to work in a group. I guess sometimes, I will need that someone who will encourage me to continue in whatever that I'm doing, especially when it seems like the road ahead of me is unknown or filled with obstacles.
Strangely enough, this isn't the first time I've asked myself this question. I started it ever since I started watching Digimon Adventure (Season 1). Yamato (or Matt... >_>) had the same character/problems, while Taichi (Tai) was the one who had courage to press on despite the bleak road in front of him.

Wow... long post huh? Thanks for reading whoever you are. Yeah... these are some of my thoughts now.