Monday, May 24, 2010

Coming back for a visit

Yeah, I know this blog's been pretty bare recently. I don't find very much to put on here anyway. I could talk a lot about my other side of life for me.... but nah~ ;)

I got out of my contract school as of 2010. I made it to NIE despite immense pressure, so it's all good. I really appreciated all the relatively more free time that I'm having in NIE. I just hate all the deadlines for assignments.

I just received my posting for my practicum and final school. I don't really know. I might have slipped into (mild?) depression after finding out. Lots of things have been said about it, and I'm not too crazy about going there either. Anyway, that aside. I think God spoke to me today in regards to this situation.

After screwing up my microteaching big time (I don't really care about how badly I did anyway), I casually told my tutor about my posting and how unsettled I was. A fellow classmate came up to me and said the school wasn't too bad at all. She also gave me tips to cope, not that I really needed those tips, but it gave me a glimmer of hope at least.
Then I felt a little lazy taking public transport back, so I decided to hop into a cab. I told the cab driver I was posted to that school. Guess what? My cab driver was from that school too! He then went on to talk about aspects of teaching as a career, and the lifestyle (his wife is one), which I had forgotten.

All in all, it was kinda sobering and I thank God for these small insignificant events. I don't really understand it either. I thought I was more resilient than this - to be defeated by something so minor as a school's posting. But somehow, I still let it get to me. Part of me is kicking myself for being so weak, the other side of me is just sitting back and taking it all in that God chose to intervene in my weakness, putting me back on the right track. Perhaps, this is another confirmation that He really wants me in this line of work.

I should really be better than this. But I suppose no matter how hard I try with my own effort, something somewhere sometime will give, and I have to look up to call for help, and He will answer.

Thank You God.

Love,
Mattathias