Stressed... Trapped

Yeah yeah I know it’s been 2 months since I last updated this blog of mine… so sue me already. Lol

Let’s see, since the last time I last updated, the semester is now in full swing with me and my studies. In the first part of my semester, I thought I did okay. Maybe a bit of screwups here and there, but nothing major. Luck’s somewhat improved too, I think… I managed to change that tutorial I was talking about previously to a better time slot. :)

Regarding Japanese, I’ve haven’t missed a test once before and I don’t think that’ll be a problem as long as I keep waking up at the correct time, so no problem there. There are these little quizzes that come ever so often during the Jap tutorials, which I don’t put much effort in. My grades there are like so-so, I have yet to fail one though… me thinks… but then again I’m not doing exceptionally well on them either. I think I did okay on my mid-term exam too. So that’s Jap for you.

Here’s the down side: it’s because I’ve been focusing so much time on my Jap, I’ve more or less entirely neglected my core modules, namely Chemistry, which sucks in itself because I’m supposed to be a Chem major for crying out loud.

CM2132 - Physical Chemistry status: Bad overall, tests are bad, barely making it through tests, failed miserably for my mid-term test. I haven’t got a clue how to apply stuff.
CM2142 – Analytical Chemistry status: Clueless… in both ways, I’ve skipped 3 of her lectures already, not too sure what’s going on in class now. The major mid semester test is coming up fast and I’ve haven’t studied for it yet. The tutorials are entirely based from what I know and learnt from previous lessons. Another thing is that I think this module is meant to be a scoring module, but I’m just not motivated to do anything about it.
CM2111 - Inorganic Chemistry status: I got 32/35 for my first test. As for the second test, I would literally describe it as “crash and burn”. And I’m not just talking about just failing by a few marks either. And guess what, I just got an email from my prof to go for a tutorial on Saturday because he singled me out as one of the failures of the test.

The final module is called Making Sense of Society. Don’t get me started on describing it. All I wanna say is that it’s a bitch and I’m glad that I declared that I did not want to it to be graded.

Yeah, just by looking at the above description, I’m really not doing well this semester. After receiving the email from my prof, I finally think I really wanna do something about it. But… it’s tough. How tough you might ask, because after all it’s relative.
At this point in time, I basically declare myself to have no life. Previously, I used to have lots of time chatting with you guys that are probably reading this right now. But, my modules this semester have snatched that away from me completely. All I get now is probably no more than 30 mins of online time. I really like spending time talking to everyone of you guys lots and this shortened amount of time doesn’t cut it. Another thing is energy, there are times I try to stay on just a bit longer just to chat with some ppl, and I suffer physically for it. Nowadays, I don’t stay on MSN for more than 15 mins because I’m just dead tired to do so. Sometimes, I doze off during lectures too. I feel I need more sleep, and for that, another reason why I cut back on chatting time.
Now, the consequence. I’m beginning to feel apathetic about everything around me. Here I am in this vicious cycle of waking up, go school, come back from school, do homework and sleep almost every day. There’s no more room for caring for those I care for anymore. I read about their life on LJ and I feel compelled to be there for them. But then again, I don’t have the luxury of having time to do so anymore. It’s really drudgery to continue on like this. I can’t even describe how badly I want to break out of this cycle and do the things I enjoy doing like chatting. Right now, I feel like a robot doing the same old same old. I want to be there for people again.

Is this a plea for help? I dunnoe. I’m just feeling so alone now. It’s bad, I don’t even find any enjoyment in hugging my toys now too… :(